Broken Strings

I always thought that we as people stand on solid ground, and the times when we’re having problems we fall into a bottomless pit. I guess it’s cuz of all those quotes out there saying that we stand on solid ground. Recently I was deeply thinking about this theory and I just realized it’s wrong, we aren't standing on anything. We are just hanging on top of a cold dark bottomless pit, we’re hanging by a couple of strings, and the number of strings holding you up is inversely related to the chance of you falling. So the more strings you have to hold you the lower the chance of you falling. 

You may start wondering what are those strings holding you and why are you even hanging or that pit. Well let me explain it to you this way, as we all know life is never easy, even the happy parts of it aren’t that easy either. So how could that possibly mean that we have a solid ground?!?  In life we always have to struggle through some tough moments, we’re always trying to get somewhere, or get someone, or even do something, but there is always something that we’re trying to do. So I guess you can agree that life isn’t an easy comfortable ground to stand on, you can’t just stand there relaxed. Cuz life is not an easy trip we’re taking, it’s a hard test that we’re always trying to pass, and the beauty of it is that it isn’t just one little test that you can rest after, it’s a series of quizzes, tests, pop quizzes that you don’t even see coming and some hard unexpected exams. Now look down underneath you and see that there is no ground, you can’t even find a tiny spot just to put your foot on, to take a minute of rest. Every once In a while you’ll feel like you’re falling deeper in that pit, and you feel that cold chill of the roaring darkness. Some other times you’ll feel like you’re rising above that pit, and somehow you feel a warm embrace of a sincere emotion of an anonymous voice tone. 

Those things that lift you up and let you sink, those are the strings that hold you and keep you from falling. Those strings are people, things, situations, and so much more. Let’s talk more about those strings and why are they strings and who are they, or what they are.

The who are those strings are people that matter in your life, either friends, family or even loved ones, they are the people who believe in you and make you believe in yourself . A string that forms in your life is the hand you hold on to, that person you count on and depend on. That person who believes in you and shows you that the world isn’t that dark place you were stuck in, that person who affects your life in a positive way. That moment you hold their hand and lean on them, that’s when they become your string, that’s when you feel that warm embrace in their voice tone, that’s when you start feeling safe. Actually this is the only string that rarely breaks, cuz the only way to break that string is when both people cut their end of it. So that’s the only string you can actually depend on to keep you from falling.

The what are those strings are the things that give you confidence in yourself, the things you see as the positive part of your life, it could be a job you have, a hobby or talent you express yourself through, even your academic statues. They are just the things that hold you higher, its sometimes your financial statues, you feel confident cuz of the car you ride, the apartment you’re staying in, just knowing that you can have what you would wish to purchase gives you a sort of confidence so it’s definitely a string. So according to this theory anything that gives you a boost to rise is a string that will pull you up.

The worst part about those strings is that sometimes they just break, and as agreed life a'int easy so when one string breaks a couple more get torn too. You feel a sudden shock of falling down that pit with an incredible speed, you just feel the strings slipping through your fingers and you realize that you’re in for the fall. The saddest and toughest part of that is when your “who” strings break, when the string you’ve put a high bet on to save you, slip away and break on you. So you’re just collapsing and falling with nothing to hold on to, so look around for just a tine thin string that could save you, but from the fear of the fall, you’re seeing nothing around you nothing at all. You’re heart starts to beat faster than ever, you’re mind in playing tapes of memories, and you feel like you’re life is just about to end tonight.

Now you’re just falling and all what you hear around is the sound of your breathing and the beating of your heart. You feel a cold chill of loneliness, and the roaring of an aching heart. Time stops and you see a tiny thread attached to your heart, and that’s what keeps you from falling and hitting the ground. It may seem like the weakest string, the most fragile one but somehow it’s the only string that would never break, or let you go. You may be wondering now about that string and what or who string this is, and why is it that strong though it’s that tiny.


Well let me tell you, that string is the string of your heart, your soul, that string of your existences, it’s the “ME” string, it’s that little voice that tells you never to give up, it’s the courage that allows you to go into battles fearlessly, its you’re inner believe in the higher power *GOD*. That’s the only reason why you never feel the crash of falling down and the pain of breaking, you just feel a replaying fear of the fall, the rush of the falling, the coldness of a lonely soul but that’s all. You never experience that actual hit; you just imagine it in the darkest, roughest, scariest image. The only thing that stops that fall every time is your string, it can’t lift you up but it just leaves you hanging. When you start believing in yourself that string gets stronger, and if you have enough patience maybe just maybe, a hand will hold yours and pull you up again. Allow you to see the sunshine again, shows you that your heart can sing, touches you with a warm embrace and gets you the rise to the top again.

Hanaa Al-Gaiwsh 

The Mirror

We all walk with masks covering up who we are, showing those who are around us the person we want them to believe to be the real us. We all hide a part of us that even those who are close to us don’t see, it our truth. It’s the sinner, the weak, evil, pure child, it’s who we are. The person you only see as you look through that mirror hanging on your bedrooms wall.

So how many of you can actually face that reflection looking back at you, could you face it with who you are today, or even face it with your past, could you even face it with the person you’re trying to become, with that path you’re walking through.

Could you face yourself, could you look into your own eyes and be proud of the person looking back at you.

I’m not saying that you should show the people around you that person hiding inside; I’m just asking if you could admit that this person does exist.

That reflection looking back at you is the only one who knows all about you; it’s the you that was with you through every moment of pain. When I say every moment of pain, I don’t just mean the scars you have but the ones you caused too.

You’re the only one who knows who was hurt by you, by the harsh words you said to them, or even when you neglected them. You were there when those scars were made, and even if you had a reason to hurt, that don’t change the fact that they felt that pain because of you.

You too have been hurt haven’t you, though sometimes you hide those scars but you still know they exist. You may act like you’ve never been hurt, and you don’t know the meaning of pain, though you bleed when you’re alone from an aching pain. You hide those scars with that make-up of fake emotions, but once you look through the mirror you see every little scar. They aren’t visible to anyone but you. That sometimes drives you away from your reflection, because you can’t face yourself with the pain that accompanies those scars. It’s as though every time you look at one of those scars a video plays in your mind, with every detail of that incident that left you with that scar.

That’s not the only thing that you hide, sometimes it’s a part of who you are that only your reflection knows, those personal traits that you lock up for some reason. You may be sometimes a sweet and kind person but for a reason, usually because you’re scared that people would take these traits as you being a weak person. So you mask them with a tough mean attitude, but again you know that’s not the true you.

You even sometimes wear the mask of an innocent person who knows nothing about the world, just to stay out of situations you don’t wanna face, so you act like you don’t know anything about it, and pretend not to understand what’s going on around you, just not to be pulled into a situation you don’t wanna be a part of.

You usually mask  a part of who you are just to be able to adapt  with the world you’re living in, either by masking a bad trait in you like being ( high-tempered, jealous, dependent, having a low self-esteem ). Or by masking good traits that the world today doesn’t appreciate and understand like being ( pure, shy, innocent ,  caring, protective of people around you).

So I think we can conclude that your reflection is the only one that truly knows who you are, so why do we keep running away from it, why are we so scared to face ourselves. Is it because we are scared to admit to ourselves that we are that person in the reflection, we’re scared to see our scars, and those undropped stoned tears filling our eyes. Why are we that scared from the only person who won’t judge us, is it because we know that whatever is said or thought by that reflection is a fact, because it’s not an opinion of a by stander, it’s the fact though by you.

So let me ask you this question again. Can you stand in front of your bedroom mirror and face yourself with who you are, with what you’ve done, and with where you’re going??

Will you be able to face the real you, when you look back at you??
Are you still scared to look at yourself and see your hidden scars??
Could you say you are Proud of Who You Are??

Hanaa Al-Gawish