Where Are My Words ??

May I ask you…? How are you today?  How is everything with you? How is life?

Let me guess your response…. Ummmm… you were going to say

"Fine, everything thing is good thank God".

 Am I right or am I right??

Did you notice that you stopped using your words to express how you actually feel, and instead you just said you're okay to end this part of the conversation?  You no longer wanna express your emotion, you no longer wanna use your words, though when you were younger you were eager to talk and express yourself …

So let's take it one step at a time and let us trace and untangle this theory I came up with, let us start with you at a young age, when you were just a lil kid….

As a kid you couldn't wait to start talking and expressing yourself, you wanted to tell the whole world how you feel. You shared your happiness and sadness with those around you, and what encouraged you was that you felt that someone was there to listen. Someone cared about you and how you felt. When you laughed and said you're happy you had your parents by your side happy for you. When you're sad & crying " even if was about something stupid" someone will pick you up give you a hug and try to cheer you up, ask you about what's upsetting you. Even if you had the silliest reason for this sadness, they'll still work it out with you; sometimes they may even take you out for ice-cream or get you some sweets. In the end they will listen to what you have to say and act accordingly.

Now you grew up a lil and you’re a teen, but still you find a reason to speak and express yourself.

You scream you shout and you disagree and make a fuss about everything, you use your words to rebel. Sometimes you're heard and someone argues with you about your thoughts, once you win the argument and you lose a thousand times, but still you know that you were heard. Sometimes you even argue about something that you're not convinced with, just to prove you're there. Sometimes you may even get grounded for the stuff you say, yet your satisfied cuz in the end you were heard what you were aiming for happened. The only reason you spoke was cuz you wanted to prove that you're there and that your words matter.

And when you're down you've got your friends to go to, cuz most the time they too are dealing with what you're going through. In short you've got them to talk to; they'll be there for you. Telling you exactly what you wanna hear, and making you feel better. If you're excited they'll share your excitement and have a good time with you.

Now that we proved that being a kid or a teen would mean that you'd find a reason to speak and your silent stage only occurs when you turn into an adult. Let's take it step by step and watch ourselves as we lose the will to speak and express what we feel.

Now you're no longer a lil kid nor are you a teen, you've finally turned into an adult and you see the world in different way. You realize that the people you bothered with every word that ever came into your mind – your parents– have other things they're concerned with. You notice that your parents have a lot on mind and they've got enough stuff to deal with, they don't need to hear that non-sense going through your mind. So you decide to leave them with their own troubles and keep what's bothering you to yourself.

Some would try doing what they did as teens and go to their friends, but soon they regret it.

If you go to your friend with bad news and try to tell them that you're not feeling okay, that you feel sad and hurt, most of them would say"stop feeling sorry for yourself" or "there’s always someone worse off than you are, just move on " or "try not to be so depressed " and the sweet ones would say " just thank god and cheer up"

But only a few would  give you a pat on the back or a warm hug and tell you it's going to be okay and listen to what you have to say.

If you go to your friends with good news somehow they tend to put you down, telling you that whatever is making you excited at the moment won't last. Or they'll start randomly pointing out the bad things you're going through, and end up getting you depressed and then they'd tell you to stop being sad all the time -_-

But again a few would actually be happy for you, and would just be excited for your sake even if they're going through a hard time.

So are you still wondering why we stop using our words, its cuz as time passes we notice that no-one really cares about what we have to say. Our words mean nothing to most of the people, and you may be talking to someone and they're hearing you but they aint listening to a word you're saying. That's why you notice that most of the people who really have something to say are all sitting quiet  cuz they value there words too much that they're not willing to say them and let them go to waste " not fulfilling their purpose of meaning something".

So if you want me to use my words and tell you what's really going through my mind, show me that you're really interested in what I'm about to say.

Hanaa Al-Gawish

Hand of Cards ( Happy New Year)

Today I end another chapter in my book of life, but something got me wondering this time, that there is a certain thing that i start each chapter with , and it’s my determination to be someone else, each year I realize that I gotta change in a new way , it’s a like a constant item on my bucket list. I wanna grow closer to the person I dream of being, someone who’s more mature, someone with a better view of life from the experiences I got through.

Another thing that always seemed to be a part of the change that happens every year is the sum of people in my life.  It seems as though it follows a pattern, for a year is a long time and a lot can happen through it. It seems like with every year passing by I lose some of the people in my life and win others.

The people I lose can be categorized into 2 groups:-

Those who were lost cuz their time on earth ended, and it was time for them to leave us for now, and wait for us up above in heaven. It wasn’t there choice it’s just that they had no more ink to keep writing their story. Those people will always have a place in my heart and their names will always be mentioned in my prayers. I just hope they know that I really loved them and they meant a lot to me even if I didn’t say it enough.

The other group are those who left by choice, they exist in the world, but not in my life. Some of them were kind enough to write a few lines to say it was the end; they were decent enough to tell me that they’re leaving. But others left without a word no excuse no nothing, it’s like I woke up one day and found them gone. I just hope they’re all doing fine and I hope them the best in life, even those who left with no explanation , I guess they must have had a reason for that. 

So I hope them the best in life, and if any of them left cuz I unintentionally hurt them, I wanna apologize, “I’m sorry if I ever hurt you”

About the people who walked into my life, well I really believe its fate, they were meant to enter my life for a reason. Some people I never thought in a million years would be just friends became really close ones; they somehow came into my life and became friends that affected my life. They were the friends that brought back my smile and showed me that there is still some good in the world. Others were destined to be my friends cuz with the world playing some cards for us to be closer, we played the game and became a part of each other’s lives, the world give us the reason and a way to know each other better and we did.

So to sum it up I can say that with every year passing by I lose a few people and win others … we can never figure out who’s leaving and who’s staying we just have to take it as it is .

That’s actually the way it goes with our life, the glass is actually never full nor is it empty. We’re not supposed to look at life as how much we have or how much we don’t, you should just live it. The world is a game of cards one day you’re the loser, and the next game you’re dealt the winning hand and you take it all. As they say” The winner takes it all, the loser has to fall, it’s simple and it’s plain, why should I complain?”

So why spend the rest of the day complaining about something you can’t change, why do you cry about things you lost, accept the hand you’re dealt and be sure that an unknown reason falls behind it. Think about a bad situation you went through and try to look at a good thing that happened because of it. Maybe that situation showed you who your real friends are, or you found out how strong you really are. Just try to take of those black glasses and see beyond the situation you’ll see that there is a good part in every bad situation that you lived.

So plz just for the sake of it, try living the moment for itself, a day may have a bad part and a good part so don’t look at it as an amazing day nor was it a bad day. It’s just a day that had a mix of good and bad moments. So smile when life is good to you, and cry when it hurts you. Live it as it is don’t think too much….. Just live your life

Hanaa Al-Gawish