Where Are My Words ??

May I ask you…? How are you today?  How is everything with you? How is life?

Let me guess your response…. Ummmm… you were going to say

"Fine, everything thing is good thank God".

 Am I right or am I right??

Did you notice that you stopped using your words to express how you actually feel, and instead you just said you're okay to end this part of the conversation?  You no longer wanna express your emotion, you no longer wanna use your words, though when you were younger you were eager to talk and express yourself …

So let's take it one step at a time and let us trace and untangle this theory I came up with, let us start with you at a young age, when you were just a lil kid….

As a kid you couldn't wait to start talking and expressing yourself, you wanted to tell the whole world how you feel. You shared your happiness and sadness with those around you, and what encouraged you was that you felt that someone was there to listen. Someone cared about you and how you felt. When you laughed and said you're happy you had your parents by your side happy for you. When you're sad & crying " even if was about something stupid" someone will pick you up give you a hug and try to cheer you up, ask you about what's upsetting you. Even if you had the silliest reason for this sadness, they'll still work it out with you; sometimes they may even take you out for ice-cream or get you some sweets. In the end they will listen to what you have to say and act accordingly.

Now you grew up a lil and you’re a teen, but still you find a reason to speak and express yourself.

You scream you shout and you disagree and make a fuss about everything, you use your words to rebel. Sometimes you're heard and someone argues with you about your thoughts, once you win the argument and you lose a thousand times, but still you know that you were heard. Sometimes you even argue about something that you're not convinced with, just to prove you're there. Sometimes you may even get grounded for the stuff you say, yet your satisfied cuz in the end you were heard what you were aiming for happened. The only reason you spoke was cuz you wanted to prove that you're there and that your words matter.

And when you're down you've got your friends to go to, cuz most the time they too are dealing with what you're going through. In short you've got them to talk to; they'll be there for you. Telling you exactly what you wanna hear, and making you feel better. If you're excited they'll share your excitement and have a good time with you.

Now that we proved that being a kid or a teen would mean that you'd find a reason to speak and your silent stage only occurs when you turn into an adult. Let's take it step by step and watch ourselves as we lose the will to speak and express what we feel.

Now you're no longer a lil kid nor are you a teen, you've finally turned into an adult and you see the world in different way. You realize that the people you bothered with every word that ever came into your mind – your parents– have other things they're concerned with. You notice that your parents have a lot on mind and they've got enough stuff to deal with, they don't need to hear that non-sense going through your mind. So you decide to leave them with their own troubles and keep what's bothering you to yourself.

Some would try doing what they did as teens and go to their friends, but soon they regret it.

If you go to your friend with bad news and try to tell them that you're not feeling okay, that you feel sad and hurt, most of them would say"stop feeling sorry for yourself" or "there’s always someone worse off than you are, just move on " or "try not to be so depressed " and the sweet ones would say " just thank god and cheer up"

But only a few would  give you a pat on the back or a warm hug and tell you it's going to be okay and listen to what you have to say.

If you go to your friends with good news somehow they tend to put you down, telling you that whatever is making you excited at the moment won't last. Or they'll start randomly pointing out the bad things you're going through, and end up getting you depressed and then they'd tell you to stop being sad all the time -_-

But again a few would actually be happy for you, and would just be excited for your sake even if they're going through a hard time.

So are you still wondering why we stop using our words, its cuz as time passes we notice that no-one really cares about what we have to say. Our words mean nothing to most of the people, and you may be talking to someone and they're hearing you but they aint listening to a word you're saying. That's why you notice that most of the people who really have something to say are all sitting quiet  cuz they value there words too much that they're not willing to say them and let them go to waste " not fulfilling their purpose of meaning something".

So if you want me to use my words and tell you what's really going through my mind, show me that you're really interested in what I'm about to say.

Hanaa Al-Gawish

Hand of Cards ( Happy New Year)

Today I end another chapter in my book of life, but something got me wondering this time, that there is a certain thing that i start each chapter with , and it’s my determination to be someone else, each year I realize that I gotta change in a new way , it’s a like a constant item on my bucket list. I wanna grow closer to the person I dream of being, someone who’s more mature, someone with a better view of life from the experiences I got through.

Another thing that always seemed to be a part of the change that happens every year is the sum of people in my life.  It seems as though it follows a pattern, for a year is a long time and a lot can happen through it. It seems like with every year passing by I lose some of the people in my life and win others.

The people I lose can be categorized into 2 groups:-

Those who were lost cuz their time on earth ended, and it was time for them to leave us for now, and wait for us up above in heaven. It wasn’t there choice it’s just that they had no more ink to keep writing their story. Those people will always have a place in my heart and their names will always be mentioned in my prayers. I just hope they know that I really loved them and they meant a lot to me even if I didn’t say it enough.

The other group are those who left by choice, they exist in the world, but not in my life. Some of them were kind enough to write a few lines to say it was the end; they were decent enough to tell me that they’re leaving. But others left without a word no excuse no nothing, it’s like I woke up one day and found them gone. I just hope they’re all doing fine and I hope them the best in life, even those who left with no explanation , I guess they must have had a reason for that. 

So I hope them the best in life, and if any of them left cuz I unintentionally hurt them, I wanna apologize, “I’m sorry if I ever hurt you”

About the people who walked into my life, well I really believe its fate, they were meant to enter my life for a reason. Some people I never thought in a million years would be just friends became really close ones; they somehow came into my life and became friends that affected my life. They were the friends that brought back my smile and showed me that there is still some good in the world. Others were destined to be my friends cuz with the world playing some cards for us to be closer, we played the game and became a part of each other’s lives, the world give us the reason and a way to know each other better and we did.

So to sum it up I can say that with every year passing by I lose a few people and win others … we can never figure out who’s leaving and who’s staying we just have to take it as it is .

That’s actually the way it goes with our life, the glass is actually never full nor is it empty. We’re not supposed to look at life as how much we have or how much we don’t, you should just live it. The world is a game of cards one day you’re the loser, and the next game you’re dealt the winning hand and you take it all. As they say” The winner takes it all, the loser has to fall, it’s simple and it’s plain, why should I complain?”

So why spend the rest of the day complaining about something you can’t change, why do you cry about things you lost, accept the hand you’re dealt and be sure that an unknown reason falls behind it. Think about a bad situation you went through and try to look at a good thing that happened because of it. Maybe that situation showed you who your real friends are, or you found out how strong you really are. Just try to take of those black glasses and see beyond the situation you’ll see that there is a good part in every bad situation that you lived.

So plz just for the sake of it, try living the moment for itself, a day may have a bad part and a good part so don’t look at it as an amazing day nor was it a bad day. It’s just a day that had a mix of good and bad moments. So smile when life is good to you, and cry when it hurts you. Live it as it is don’t think too much….. Just live your life

Hanaa Al-Gawish

استعمار العقول

في ظاهرة جديده بقلها فتره في مجتمعنا "العربي" "الشرقى" المتدين" اننا مبقناش اي حاجة من الحاجات دي, بص على الجيل الجديد اغلبه لا بيتكلم عربي و معندوش التقاليد ولا القيم الشرقية, و للاسف كمان بعد عن الدين 

بداية المشكلة دي حصلت مع استعمار, ايوه زي ما بقولك كده استعمار, اصل الاستعمار مش انك تدخل بدبابة و جيش, و حرب و الكلام ده كله, الاستعمار ده استعمار للعقول, ايوه العقول, يعني تسيطير على شعب بانك تحط افكار معينه في دماغه . من افلام و مسلسلات مثلا اللى بقت الثقافه اللى اتربى عليها كتير من الجيل الجديد. للاسف بقى "المثقفين" عندنا شافوا ان دي ثقافه كويسه لازم ندخلها "كلها" مجتمعنا "المتدين" . ( أنا مش معترضة اننا ناخد منهم حاجات بس مش كل فكرهم يمشى معانا ). المشكله ان مبقتش الثقافه دي بس في افلام غربية لا دي للاسف بقينا نشفها في افلامنا العربي و بقى في تفكير بعيد عن القيم و دين موجود عندنا. 

هتقولي انتي عايزانا منتفتحش يعني و نفضل رجعيين. هقولك ده جهل والكلام ده متخلف زي اللى بيقوله بضبط, ايوه انا بقول عليك متخلف, مش انت اللى بتقول حرية رأي و كلام من ده, ولا هو انت بس اللى مسموح لك تقولي يا جاهل و متخلف و اني عقلية قديمه. انت بتقولي خليك متفتح و دي حرية و كلام من ده صح؟! , طب احب اقولك يا استاذ "متفتح", انك انت اللى مقفل مخك و ماسك في نقطه واحدة. ليه حصرت مفهوم الحرية على الانحلال و الشهوانيات, هو معنى الحرية ان كل واحد يقول اللى عايزه من غير ما يبقى في عواقب. احب اقولك يا "متفتح" ان حرية الشخص تتوقف عند تعديك حدود شخص تانى. هتقولي هو انا عملت ايه, اصلا انا حر, لأ يا استاذ حر دي مش معناها انك تتعدى على حد, عشان لو ده حصل يبقى انت تعديت على حريته, مش انت اللى بتقول ان كل واحد ليه حرية, ولا هترجع في كلامك 

لما تقول انا حر اعمل في الفيلم بتاعي اللى انا عايزه, ياااا راجل يعني لما طفل عنده سنتين او حتى في اعدادي يشوف منظر ......... مممم ميتناسبش مع سنه ده عادي صح!!! انت كده متعدتش على حد!! لا احب اقولك انك تعديت. و بعدين ليه اصلا لزمة الحاجات دي في الفيلم هو لازم تجيب بالتفصيل اللى بيحصل, فهمني يمكن انا مش فاهمه, ايه الحرية في ده عبرة بايه في المشهد زي ده فادني ايه اني شفته ولا زود ايه في اللى عايز توصله. ولا حاجة, بس اللى عمله انو ضارني, ايوه ضارني, يعني ايه لما واحد في سن المرهقة يشوف المنظر ده, مش ده هيثيره برضه . متقولش لا لانك عارف انك بالمشهد ده هتثيره و انت حاطه عشان كده. و بعدين انا مقولتلكش متقولش اللى انت عايزه انا بقولك متحطش حاجات تجرح حياء حد, احنه مجتمع شرقي متدين, بطل تبوظ اخلاقه 

لما تبص حوليك في الشارع دلوقتي شوف كام واحدة مصحبه و مسكه ايد واحد فالشارع, و ياعالم ممكن يكون حصل بينهم ايه تاني غير مسكة الايد. ما ده بسببك و نتيجة عن الاستعمار اللى حاصل, لما بقى عادي كل وحده عندها “boyfriend” و الولد يبقى جامد لو موقع بنات كتير.ما يعنى هم اخترعوا طريقة التفكير دي مثلا, ما هي من اللى بيشوفوا فى الافلام و المسلسلات, واحد ماشي مع وحده و ماسك ايدها و شويه و حضنه و ......... انت عارف الباقي بقى . شوف بقى بسببك و الحرية اللى انت بتقول عليها كام بنت ضاعت, كام بيت ادمر. كام ولد ادمن و مات عشان انت قولتله ان عادي و بيس و هو كده بقى كوول و متحضر 

لسه هتقولي اني انا المتخلف و الرجعي, انا بقولك اعمل ما بدالك بس متعديش حدودك و افتكر المجتمع. خليك مثقف و متفتح و افهم اللى بتقوله الاول, متناقدش نفسك 

اهم حاجة بقى عجبك اللى حاصل اليومين دول بسبب حرية الرأى بتعاتك, اكيد سمعت عن الفيلم المسىء للرسول عليه الصلاة والسلام و من كام سنة على الرسومات المسيئه ليه. انت شايف بقى ان دي حرية انك تتعدى على اي حاجة و تسيء للناس تحت موسمه "حربة الرأى". هنا بقى انا اوقفك و اقولك انك انت جاهل و متخلف و معندكش احساس ولا انتماء لاي حاجة. 

اصل لما تشويه صورة أعظم رجل فى التاريخ سيدنا محمد, و انت تقف ساكت و تقول دي حرية رأى او تقول وانا مالي يبقى انت بصراحة كده متستهلش يتقال عليك بني ادم, اصل البني ادم بيحس و عنده حاجة اسمها كرامة و نخوة و بيغير علي عرضه , و حاجات تانية كده بس معتقدش انك "بتحضرك" ده هتفهمها. 

انا بقى اللى على رأيك جاهل و متخلف, ممكن يكون عندي علم اكتر منك, ممكن اكون بفهم فى الفن احسن منك, ممكن اكون افضل منك بمراحل. عشان ببص للحاجة زي ما هي مش بنقي نقطه فيها و اركز عليها. مبقولش على حاجة كلها وحش بس برفض الاجزاء اللى مش متماشيه معيا و باخد اللى بيتماشى معايا انا و ثقفتي. 

فرجاء مني انا الجاهل ليك يا حضرت المتعلم المثقف الواعي و المتفتح, انك بس تبص حوليك و تشوف انت عملت ايه فى المجتمع "العربي" "الشرقى" "المتدين", مبسوط انك ضيعة هويتة وقيمه, انك لوثتة. 

خد بالك بقى من الجيل الجديد اللى طلع شارب من الثورة, اللى بدأ ياخد باله ان في حاجات غلط محتاجه تتصلح. شايف نفسك كبير و مؤثر, بص عينا احنا الشباب ممكن نعمل ايه. اصل احنا زمان كنا متكتفين و متغمي عنينه و عايشين كده و خلاص. بس من انهارده مش هنسمح بفسادك مش هنسمح بتضليلك, احنا هنوريك يعني ايه تحضر و تطور و ثقافه بجد يا استاذ " مثقف"

An Emotional Room

I get out of the room and get myself a drink of water to calm me down, as i was breathless from the shock. Imagine waking up to the loud aching screams of the walls of your bedroom, and having soggy cheeks from the tears of your pillow and not your own. This has become my life for some time now, my room has held in the emotion that I don’t show for too long that now everything in my room holds some part of my pain, and lets it out every night cause it’s just too painful to bear  even for things .

  

I've always been one of those people who can’t seem to show what they feel. I’d be hurting deep on the inside, but somehow manage to put on a smile and laugh and joke around.  Years ago I used to let my emotions out when I’m alone in my room , so that no one would see that weak side of me, but those who witnessed my pain were the walls of my room that I spoke to; my pillow whom I hugged and cried on; the floors that held me when I fell cause the pain got unbearable.

Days passed and I stopped talking to my walls, my tears would no longer fall, and the only thing that touched my floors were my cold feet that I dragged with me with a numb walk. But as soon as I step out that door, I became the person that everyone knows, the one who’s never seen frowning, always hyper and fun to be around.    

If you’re wondering how could a person that numb and scarred laugh that hard, I’ll let you in on the secret of what I use to do. You see, it starts as I wash my face. I look up to see someone who let’s say a zombie would look more alive than me at that point. So I place a fake smile over that face :) , now let’s practice a laugh, *a hysterical laugh*, good good, that’s perfect. Now the key ingredient; my impossible to live without sunglasses; you see, they hide my eyes the only thing that can get me busted.

That’s how I lived for some time, till a certain person walked into my life. What made her different from the rest of the people I knew,was that she saw the scars hidden behind the smile, and heard the wipe behind that laugh.  She pulled my glasses off my face and for the first time I felt as though someone is looking into my soul. I expected myself to be scared, but on the contrary, I heard the lil voice in my head whisper “calm down, now it’s okay, don’t be scared, you've just got yourself someone who can be a true friend”.

I always thought that I should hide my pain away, that I should always keep it in, and it seems that keeping it for so long dried my tears, and scarred my heart. But today I know that I can have someone to sit by my side when I’m hurt and listen to my aching heart. A shoulder that’ll be here for me once I’m able to cry again. No more screaming walls, no more crying pillow, my room won’t have to hold my inner pain, cause now is the time to let it out. It’s time to get a really smile :)

كله فالحماده

ايه اللى وصلنا لكده وبقى كله في الحماده

اه يا حماده غلبتني معاك

لا انت فاهمني ولا انا فهماك

هو انا ليه كده يا حماده

جننتني معاك

و ليه و ازاي حاجة بتحصل و برضه مش فاهمك

يعني ليه لما يحصل كده او كده من فلان

اتعصب و اتنرفز و اسيبه كمان

بس كمان لو حصل ده من علان

ببقه بيس و كله قشطه و تمام التمام

ماتفهمني حاجة يا حماده

بدل ما انت ساكت كده

قوليه هو المشكله فين

دانا هتجنن يا حماده

دانت لما قعدت ساكت

كله فالاول سألك مالك و فيكي ايه

قاعد  وسطنا من غير كلام

سبتهم ومشيت بعيد

و من يومها يا حماده و انت وحيد

و يوم ما يشوفوك صدفه يقوله

فيناك يا حماده فيناك من زمان

والله ولك وحشه يا مان

مهو يا حماده لازم تفوق وتصحى

الدنيا مفيهاش حاجة اسمها رحمه

دي حاجة كانت موجودة زمان

او في كتاب و حدوته كان ياما كان

يا حماده خلاص الكلام ده كان زمان

دلوقتي بقى كله فالحماده

فكك بقى مني ده بقى

حماده بالجنزبيل كمان

يعني من الاخر كده 

كل اللى فات ده حماده

واللي جاي ده حماده تاني خاااااااااالص

هناء الجاويش 

Lend Me A Smile

I was walking down the street one day and a thought crossed my mind, “lend me a smile”. I decided to smile at everyone who passed me by, and since I’m one of those people who likes to wear a smile it wasn’t a hard thing to do.

So I wore my smile and waited to see people’s reactions

• Some smiled back at me ( mission accomplished )
• Some just give me a wondering smile (well at least I got them thinking)
• Some shook their heads & looked at me like I’m an insane person XD

Though I different reactions I felt that my goal was achieved which was lending a smile

You may ask me why am I saying that I’m lending a smile and not giving one, well its simple its cuz I’m actually lending the person a smile, and I’ll get an interest on it too. You’ll ask again how come, I’ll explain it to you.

It’s lending a smile cuz I’ll get it back, if I say I’m giving you a smile it means it’s yours and I’ll gain nothing. But that’s not the case with smiles, cuz when I lend you a smile, you smile back at me which is my gain cuz I’ll be more cheerful seeing you smile back.

About the interest I’m getting well let’s see,  if I made you smile you become more cheerful, which means that you’ll be smile to other people too ( and one of those people is ought to pass by me and lend me a smile ). You’ll be more efficient in whatever you do and  you’ll be optimistic about life which will affect the place you’re present at ( again that will involve me cuz I may be a person who need a service from you and since you’re cheerful you’ll be nicer and more efficient)

So let’s lend a smile to people around us cuz one way or the other it’ll get back to you. Remember the 3 reactions I told you about earlier, though not all of them where a positive reaction but all of them meant that my goal was accomplished.

You’ll ask how come well I guess we can both agree that the one who smiled back borrowed that smile from me and is ready to spread it. And the one who give me a wondering smile was effected, cuz for that min there I made him wonder why am I smiling and while walking with that wondering smile a few people will pass his whom will smile cuz of him.

About the thought I was insane well maybe they won’t change now, but as the smiles get spread around it will finally get to them.

So let’s make a deal try it for a day, go out and wear a smile, just a sweet innocent smile and see what happens with you, and notice how you feel afterwards, and if you can say the magic words while dealing with people – yea the Magic words those small words like (thank you, please, excuses me) - it really makes a difference. Those little though they’re small and may appear to be insignificant have a great felt effect on the society, they remind us with humanity. 

Hanaa Al-Gawish

when I'm Gone

You are a part of my story, as I’m a part of yours too. I may be there in a line, a paragraph or a chapter. I may even be there all the way through. But one day will come and my story would be done. The ink will dry out and you won’t be writing about me no more. But don’t you worry , I won’t be sad as for I know, that in memory I stay.

And one day you’d be walking down the street, see a place, smell a scent, hear a song, or feel something and remember me. At that moment I want you to smile, drop a single tear and look in your heart and just remember * the fun we had, the jokes that were made, the good times spend, the memory that no one can take * . Then move along, cuz I want you to be glad, don’t you weep and be sad. Even if I’m gone you have to know one thing.

It was my pleasure to have you in my story , hope I was a good part of your story too , hope I made a difference , cheered up when you were sad , been your shoulder when thing got out of hand . Hope I’d be remembered as a good friend you had.


One thing I wanna say before I go, even if something happens and you see me no more. Just remember I’ll always be in a room of your heart and a memory in your mind.

Hanaa AL-Gawish