An Emotional Room

I get out of the room and get myself a drink of water to calm me down, as i was breathless from the shock. Imagine waking up to the loud aching screams of the walls of your bedroom, and having soggy cheeks from the tears of your pillow and not your own. This has become my life for some time now, my room has held in the emotion that I don’t show for too long that now everything in my room holds some part of my pain, and lets it out every night cause it’s just too painful to bear  even for things .

  

I've always been one of those people who can’t seem to show what they feel. I’d be hurting deep on the inside, but somehow manage to put on a smile and laugh and joke around.  Years ago I used to let my emotions out when I’m alone in my room , so that no one would see that weak side of me, but those who witnessed my pain were the walls of my room that I spoke to; my pillow whom I hugged and cried on; the floors that held me when I fell cause the pain got unbearable.

Days passed and I stopped talking to my walls, my tears would no longer fall, and the only thing that touched my floors were my cold feet that I dragged with me with a numb walk. But as soon as I step out that door, I became the person that everyone knows, the one who’s never seen frowning, always hyper and fun to be around.    

If you’re wondering how could a person that numb and scarred laugh that hard, I’ll let you in on the secret of what I use to do. You see, it starts as I wash my face. I look up to see someone who let’s say a zombie would look more alive than me at that point. So I place a fake smile over that face :) , now let’s practice a laugh, *a hysterical laugh*, good good, that’s perfect. Now the key ingredient; my impossible to live without sunglasses; you see, they hide my eyes the only thing that can get me busted.

That’s how I lived for some time, till a certain person walked into my life. What made her different from the rest of the people I knew,was that she saw the scars hidden behind the smile, and heard the wipe behind that laugh.  She pulled my glasses off my face and for the first time I felt as though someone is looking into my soul. I expected myself to be scared, but on the contrary, I heard the lil voice in my head whisper “calm down, now it’s okay, don’t be scared, you've just got yourself someone who can be a true friend”.

I always thought that I should hide my pain away, that I should always keep it in, and it seems that keeping it for so long dried my tears, and scarred my heart. But today I know that I can have someone to sit by my side when I’m hurt and listen to my aching heart. A shoulder that’ll be here for me once I’m able to cry again. No more screaming walls, no more crying pillow, my room won’t have to hold my inner pain, cause now is the time to let it out. It’s time to get a really smile :)