Where Are My Words ??

May I ask you…? How are you today?  How is everything with you? How is life?

Let me guess your response…. Ummmm… you were going to say

"Fine, everything thing is good thank God".

 Am I right or am I right??

Did you notice that you stopped using your words to express how you actually feel, and instead you just said you're okay to end this part of the conversation?  You no longer wanna express your emotion, you no longer wanna use your words, though when you were younger you were eager to talk and express yourself …

So let's take it one step at a time and let us trace and untangle this theory I came up with, let us start with you at a young age, when you were just a lil kid….

As a kid you couldn't wait to start talking and expressing yourself, you wanted to tell the whole world how you feel. You shared your happiness and sadness with those around you, and what encouraged you was that you felt that someone was there to listen. Someone cared about you and how you felt. When you laughed and said you're happy you had your parents by your side happy for you. When you're sad & crying " even if was about something stupid" someone will pick you up give you a hug and try to cheer you up, ask you about what's upsetting you. Even if you had the silliest reason for this sadness, they'll still work it out with you; sometimes they may even take you out for ice-cream or get you some sweets. In the end they will listen to what you have to say and act accordingly.

Now you grew up a lil and you’re a teen, but still you find a reason to speak and express yourself.

You scream you shout and you disagree and make a fuss about everything, you use your words to rebel. Sometimes you're heard and someone argues with you about your thoughts, once you win the argument and you lose a thousand times, but still you know that you were heard. Sometimes you even argue about something that you're not convinced with, just to prove you're there. Sometimes you may even get grounded for the stuff you say, yet your satisfied cuz in the end you were heard what you were aiming for happened. The only reason you spoke was cuz you wanted to prove that you're there and that your words matter.

And when you're down you've got your friends to go to, cuz most the time they too are dealing with what you're going through. In short you've got them to talk to; they'll be there for you. Telling you exactly what you wanna hear, and making you feel better. If you're excited they'll share your excitement and have a good time with you.

Now that we proved that being a kid or a teen would mean that you'd find a reason to speak and your silent stage only occurs when you turn into an adult. Let's take it step by step and watch ourselves as we lose the will to speak and express what we feel.

Now you're no longer a lil kid nor are you a teen, you've finally turned into an adult and you see the world in different way. You realize that the people you bothered with every word that ever came into your mind – your parents– have other things they're concerned with. You notice that your parents have a lot on mind and they've got enough stuff to deal with, they don't need to hear that non-sense going through your mind. So you decide to leave them with their own troubles and keep what's bothering you to yourself.

Some would try doing what they did as teens and go to their friends, but soon they regret it.

If you go to your friend with bad news and try to tell them that you're not feeling okay, that you feel sad and hurt, most of them would say"stop feeling sorry for yourself" or "there’s always someone worse off than you are, just move on " or "try not to be so depressed " and the sweet ones would say " just thank god and cheer up"

But only a few would  give you a pat on the back or a warm hug and tell you it's going to be okay and listen to what you have to say.

If you go to your friends with good news somehow they tend to put you down, telling you that whatever is making you excited at the moment won't last. Or they'll start randomly pointing out the bad things you're going through, and end up getting you depressed and then they'd tell you to stop being sad all the time -_-

But again a few would actually be happy for you, and would just be excited for your sake even if they're going through a hard time.

So are you still wondering why we stop using our words, its cuz as time passes we notice that no-one really cares about what we have to say. Our words mean nothing to most of the people, and you may be talking to someone and they're hearing you but they aint listening to a word you're saying. That's why you notice that most of the people who really have something to say are all sitting quiet  cuz they value there words too much that they're not willing to say them and let them go to waste " not fulfilling their purpose of meaning something".

So if you want me to use my words and tell you what's really going through my mind, show me that you're really interested in what I'm about to say.

Hanaa Al-Gawish

Hand of Cards ( Happy New Year)

Today I end another chapter in my book of life, but something got me wondering this time, that there is a certain thing that i start each chapter with , and it’s my determination to be someone else, each year I realize that I gotta change in a new way , it’s a like a constant item on my bucket list. I wanna grow closer to the person I dream of being, someone who’s more mature, someone with a better view of life from the experiences I got through.

Another thing that always seemed to be a part of the change that happens every year is the sum of people in my life.  It seems as though it follows a pattern, for a year is a long time and a lot can happen through it. It seems like with every year passing by I lose some of the people in my life and win others.

The people I lose can be categorized into 2 groups:-

Those who were lost cuz their time on earth ended, and it was time for them to leave us for now, and wait for us up above in heaven. It wasn’t there choice it’s just that they had no more ink to keep writing their story. Those people will always have a place in my heart and their names will always be mentioned in my prayers. I just hope they know that I really loved them and they meant a lot to me even if I didn’t say it enough.

The other group are those who left by choice, they exist in the world, but not in my life. Some of them were kind enough to write a few lines to say it was the end; they were decent enough to tell me that they’re leaving. But others left without a word no excuse no nothing, it’s like I woke up one day and found them gone. I just hope they’re all doing fine and I hope them the best in life, even those who left with no explanation , I guess they must have had a reason for that. 

So I hope them the best in life, and if any of them left cuz I unintentionally hurt them, I wanna apologize, “I’m sorry if I ever hurt you”

About the people who walked into my life, well I really believe its fate, they were meant to enter my life for a reason. Some people I never thought in a million years would be just friends became really close ones; they somehow came into my life and became friends that affected my life. They were the friends that brought back my smile and showed me that there is still some good in the world. Others were destined to be my friends cuz with the world playing some cards for us to be closer, we played the game and became a part of each other’s lives, the world give us the reason and a way to know each other better and we did.

So to sum it up I can say that with every year passing by I lose a few people and win others … we can never figure out who’s leaving and who’s staying we just have to take it as it is .

That’s actually the way it goes with our life, the glass is actually never full nor is it empty. We’re not supposed to look at life as how much we have or how much we don’t, you should just live it. The world is a game of cards one day you’re the loser, and the next game you’re dealt the winning hand and you take it all. As they say” The winner takes it all, the loser has to fall, it’s simple and it’s plain, why should I complain?”

So why spend the rest of the day complaining about something you can’t change, why do you cry about things you lost, accept the hand you’re dealt and be sure that an unknown reason falls behind it. Think about a bad situation you went through and try to look at a good thing that happened because of it. Maybe that situation showed you who your real friends are, or you found out how strong you really are. Just try to take of those black glasses and see beyond the situation you’ll see that there is a good part in every bad situation that you lived.

So plz just for the sake of it, try living the moment for itself, a day may have a bad part and a good part so don’t look at it as an amazing day nor was it a bad day. It’s just a day that had a mix of good and bad moments. So smile when life is good to you, and cry when it hurts you. Live it as it is don’t think too much….. Just live your life

Hanaa Al-Gawish

استعمار العقول

في ظاهرة جديده بقلها فتره في مجتمعنا "العربي" "الشرقى" المتدين" اننا مبقناش اي حاجة من الحاجات دي, بص على الجيل الجديد اغلبه لا بيتكلم عربي و معندوش التقاليد ولا القيم الشرقية, و للاسف كمان بعد عن الدين 

بداية المشكلة دي حصلت مع استعمار, ايوه زي ما بقولك كده استعمار, اصل الاستعمار مش انك تدخل بدبابة و جيش, و حرب و الكلام ده كله, الاستعمار ده استعمار للعقول, ايوه العقول, يعني تسيطير على شعب بانك تحط افكار معينه في دماغه . من افلام و مسلسلات مثلا اللى بقت الثقافه اللى اتربى عليها كتير من الجيل الجديد. للاسف بقى "المثقفين" عندنا شافوا ان دي ثقافه كويسه لازم ندخلها "كلها" مجتمعنا "المتدين" . ( أنا مش معترضة اننا ناخد منهم حاجات بس مش كل فكرهم يمشى معانا ). المشكله ان مبقتش الثقافه دي بس في افلام غربية لا دي للاسف بقينا نشفها في افلامنا العربي و بقى في تفكير بعيد عن القيم و دين موجود عندنا. 

هتقولي انتي عايزانا منتفتحش يعني و نفضل رجعيين. هقولك ده جهل والكلام ده متخلف زي اللى بيقوله بضبط, ايوه انا بقول عليك متخلف, مش انت اللى بتقول حرية رأي و كلام من ده, ولا هو انت بس اللى مسموح لك تقولي يا جاهل و متخلف و اني عقلية قديمه. انت بتقولي خليك متفتح و دي حرية و كلام من ده صح؟! , طب احب اقولك يا استاذ "متفتح", انك انت اللى مقفل مخك و ماسك في نقطه واحدة. ليه حصرت مفهوم الحرية على الانحلال و الشهوانيات, هو معنى الحرية ان كل واحد يقول اللى عايزه من غير ما يبقى في عواقب. احب اقولك يا "متفتح" ان حرية الشخص تتوقف عند تعديك حدود شخص تانى. هتقولي هو انا عملت ايه, اصلا انا حر, لأ يا استاذ حر دي مش معناها انك تتعدى على حد, عشان لو ده حصل يبقى انت تعديت على حريته, مش انت اللى بتقول ان كل واحد ليه حرية, ولا هترجع في كلامك 

لما تقول انا حر اعمل في الفيلم بتاعي اللى انا عايزه, ياااا راجل يعني لما طفل عنده سنتين او حتى في اعدادي يشوف منظر ......... مممم ميتناسبش مع سنه ده عادي صح!!! انت كده متعدتش على حد!! لا احب اقولك انك تعديت. و بعدين ليه اصلا لزمة الحاجات دي في الفيلم هو لازم تجيب بالتفصيل اللى بيحصل, فهمني يمكن انا مش فاهمه, ايه الحرية في ده عبرة بايه في المشهد زي ده فادني ايه اني شفته ولا زود ايه في اللى عايز توصله. ولا حاجة, بس اللى عمله انو ضارني, ايوه ضارني, يعني ايه لما واحد في سن المرهقة يشوف المنظر ده, مش ده هيثيره برضه . متقولش لا لانك عارف انك بالمشهد ده هتثيره و انت حاطه عشان كده. و بعدين انا مقولتلكش متقولش اللى انت عايزه انا بقولك متحطش حاجات تجرح حياء حد, احنه مجتمع شرقي متدين, بطل تبوظ اخلاقه 

لما تبص حوليك في الشارع دلوقتي شوف كام واحدة مصحبه و مسكه ايد واحد فالشارع, و ياعالم ممكن يكون حصل بينهم ايه تاني غير مسكة الايد. ما ده بسببك و نتيجة عن الاستعمار اللى حاصل, لما بقى عادي كل وحده عندها “boyfriend” و الولد يبقى جامد لو موقع بنات كتير.ما يعنى هم اخترعوا طريقة التفكير دي مثلا, ما هي من اللى بيشوفوا فى الافلام و المسلسلات, واحد ماشي مع وحده و ماسك ايدها و شويه و حضنه و ......... انت عارف الباقي بقى . شوف بقى بسببك و الحرية اللى انت بتقول عليها كام بنت ضاعت, كام بيت ادمر. كام ولد ادمن و مات عشان انت قولتله ان عادي و بيس و هو كده بقى كوول و متحضر 

لسه هتقولي اني انا المتخلف و الرجعي, انا بقولك اعمل ما بدالك بس متعديش حدودك و افتكر المجتمع. خليك مثقف و متفتح و افهم اللى بتقوله الاول, متناقدش نفسك 

اهم حاجة بقى عجبك اللى حاصل اليومين دول بسبب حرية الرأى بتعاتك, اكيد سمعت عن الفيلم المسىء للرسول عليه الصلاة والسلام و من كام سنة على الرسومات المسيئه ليه. انت شايف بقى ان دي حرية انك تتعدى على اي حاجة و تسيء للناس تحت موسمه "حربة الرأى". هنا بقى انا اوقفك و اقولك انك انت جاهل و متخلف و معندكش احساس ولا انتماء لاي حاجة. 

اصل لما تشويه صورة أعظم رجل فى التاريخ سيدنا محمد, و انت تقف ساكت و تقول دي حرية رأى او تقول وانا مالي يبقى انت بصراحة كده متستهلش يتقال عليك بني ادم, اصل البني ادم بيحس و عنده حاجة اسمها كرامة و نخوة و بيغير علي عرضه , و حاجات تانية كده بس معتقدش انك "بتحضرك" ده هتفهمها. 

انا بقى اللى على رأيك جاهل و متخلف, ممكن يكون عندي علم اكتر منك, ممكن اكون بفهم فى الفن احسن منك, ممكن اكون افضل منك بمراحل. عشان ببص للحاجة زي ما هي مش بنقي نقطه فيها و اركز عليها. مبقولش على حاجة كلها وحش بس برفض الاجزاء اللى مش متماشيه معيا و باخد اللى بيتماشى معايا انا و ثقفتي. 

فرجاء مني انا الجاهل ليك يا حضرت المتعلم المثقف الواعي و المتفتح, انك بس تبص حوليك و تشوف انت عملت ايه فى المجتمع "العربي" "الشرقى" "المتدين", مبسوط انك ضيعة هويتة وقيمه, انك لوثتة. 

خد بالك بقى من الجيل الجديد اللى طلع شارب من الثورة, اللى بدأ ياخد باله ان في حاجات غلط محتاجه تتصلح. شايف نفسك كبير و مؤثر, بص عينا احنا الشباب ممكن نعمل ايه. اصل احنا زمان كنا متكتفين و متغمي عنينه و عايشين كده و خلاص. بس من انهارده مش هنسمح بفسادك مش هنسمح بتضليلك, احنا هنوريك يعني ايه تحضر و تطور و ثقافه بجد يا استاذ " مثقف"

An Emotional Room

I get out of the room and get myself a drink of water to calm me down, as i was breathless from the shock. Imagine waking up to the loud aching screams of the walls of your bedroom, and having soggy cheeks from the tears of your pillow and not your own. This has become my life for some time now, my room has held in the emotion that I don’t show for too long that now everything in my room holds some part of my pain, and lets it out every night cause it’s just too painful to bear  even for things .

  

I've always been one of those people who can’t seem to show what they feel. I’d be hurting deep on the inside, but somehow manage to put on a smile and laugh and joke around.  Years ago I used to let my emotions out when I’m alone in my room , so that no one would see that weak side of me, but those who witnessed my pain were the walls of my room that I spoke to; my pillow whom I hugged and cried on; the floors that held me when I fell cause the pain got unbearable.

Days passed and I stopped talking to my walls, my tears would no longer fall, and the only thing that touched my floors were my cold feet that I dragged with me with a numb walk. But as soon as I step out that door, I became the person that everyone knows, the one who’s never seen frowning, always hyper and fun to be around.    

If you’re wondering how could a person that numb and scarred laugh that hard, I’ll let you in on the secret of what I use to do. You see, it starts as I wash my face. I look up to see someone who let’s say a zombie would look more alive than me at that point. So I place a fake smile over that face :) , now let’s practice a laugh, *a hysterical laugh*, good good, that’s perfect. Now the key ingredient; my impossible to live without sunglasses; you see, they hide my eyes the only thing that can get me busted.

That’s how I lived for some time, till a certain person walked into my life. What made her different from the rest of the people I knew,was that she saw the scars hidden behind the smile, and heard the wipe behind that laugh.  She pulled my glasses off my face and for the first time I felt as though someone is looking into my soul. I expected myself to be scared, but on the contrary, I heard the lil voice in my head whisper “calm down, now it’s okay, don’t be scared, you've just got yourself someone who can be a true friend”.

I always thought that I should hide my pain away, that I should always keep it in, and it seems that keeping it for so long dried my tears, and scarred my heart. But today I know that I can have someone to sit by my side when I’m hurt and listen to my aching heart. A shoulder that’ll be here for me once I’m able to cry again. No more screaming walls, no more crying pillow, my room won’t have to hold my inner pain, cause now is the time to let it out. It’s time to get a really smile :)

كله فالحماده

ايه اللى وصلنا لكده وبقى كله في الحماده

اه يا حماده غلبتني معاك

لا انت فاهمني ولا انا فهماك

هو انا ليه كده يا حماده

جننتني معاك

و ليه و ازاي حاجة بتحصل و برضه مش فاهمك

يعني ليه لما يحصل كده او كده من فلان

اتعصب و اتنرفز و اسيبه كمان

بس كمان لو حصل ده من علان

ببقه بيس و كله قشطه و تمام التمام

ماتفهمني حاجة يا حماده

بدل ما انت ساكت كده

قوليه هو المشكله فين

دانا هتجنن يا حماده

دانت لما قعدت ساكت

كله فالاول سألك مالك و فيكي ايه

قاعد  وسطنا من غير كلام

سبتهم ومشيت بعيد

و من يومها يا حماده و انت وحيد

و يوم ما يشوفوك صدفه يقوله

فيناك يا حماده فيناك من زمان

والله ولك وحشه يا مان

مهو يا حماده لازم تفوق وتصحى

الدنيا مفيهاش حاجة اسمها رحمه

دي حاجة كانت موجودة زمان

او في كتاب و حدوته كان ياما كان

يا حماده خلاص الكلام ده كان زمان

دلوقتي بقى كله فالحماده

فكك بقى مني ده بقى

حماده بالجنزبيل كمان

يعني من الاخر كده 

كل اللى فات ده حماده

واللي جاي ده حماده تاني خاااااااااالص

هناء الجاويش 

Lend Me A Smile

I was walking down the street one day and a thought crossed my mind, “lend me a smile”. I decided to smile at everyone who passed me by, and since I’m one of those people who likes to wear a smile it wasn’t a hard thing to do.

So I wore my smile and waited to see people’s reactions

• Some smiled back at me ( mission accomplished )
• Some just give me a wondering smile (well at least I got them thinking)
• Some shook their heads & looked at me like I’m an insane person XD

Though I different reactions I felt that my goal was achieved which was lending a smile

You may ask me why am I saying that I’m lending a smile and not giving one, well its simple its cuz I’m actually lending the person a smile, and I’ll get an interest on it too. You’ll ask again how come, I’ll explain it to you.

It’s lending a smile cuz I’ll get it back, if I say I’m giving you a smile it means it’s yours and I’ll gain nothing. But that’s not the case with smiles, cuz when I lend you a smile, you smile back at me which is my gain cuz I’ll be more cheerful seeing you smile back.

About the interest I’m getting well let’s see,  if I made you smile you become more cheerful, which means that you’ll be smile to other people too ( and one of those people is ought to pass by me and lend me a smile ). You’ll be more efficient in whatever you do and  you’ll be optimistic about life which will affect the place you’re present at ( again that will involve me cuz I may be a person who need a service from you and since you’re cheerful you’ll be nicer and more efficient)

So let’s lend a smile to people around us cuz one way or the other it’ll get back to you. Remember the 3 reactions I told you about earlier, though not all of them where a positive reaction but all of them meant that my goal was accomplished.

You’ll ask how come well I guess we can both agree that the one who smiled back borrowed that smile from me and is ready to spread it. And the one who give me a wondering smile was effected, cuz for that min there I made him wonder why am I smiling and while walking with that wondering smile a few people will pass his whom will smile cuz of him.

About the thought I was insane well maybe they won’t change now, but as the smiles get spread around it will finally get to them.

So let’s make a deal try it for a day, go out and wear a smile, just a sweet innocent smile and see what happens with you, and notice how you feel afterwards, and if you can say the magic words while dealing with people – yea the Magic words those small words like (thank you, please, excuses me) - it really makes a difference. Those little though they’re small and may appear to be insignificant have a great felt effect on the society, they remind us with humanity. 

Hanaa Al-Gawish

when I'm Gone

You are a part of my story, as I’m a part of yours too. I may be there in a line, a paragraph or a chapter. I may even be there all the way through. But one day will come and my story would be done. The ink will dry out and you won’t be writing about me no more. But don’t you worry , I won’t be sad as for I know, that in memory I stay.

And one day you’d be walking down the street, see a place, smell a scent, hear a song, or feel something and remember me. At that moment I want you to smile, drop a single tear and look in your heart and just remember * the fun we had, the jokes that were made, the good times spend, the memory that no one can take * . Then move along, cuz I want you to be glad, don’t you weep and be sad. Even if I’m gone you have to know one thing.

It was my pleasure to have you in my story , hope I was a good part of your story too , hope I made a difference , cheered up when you were sad , been your shoulder when thing got out of hand . Hope I’d be remembered as a good friend you had.


One thing I wanna say before I go, even if something happens and you see me no more. Just remember I’ll always be in a room of your heart and a memory in your mind.

Hanaa AL-Gawish

 

Broken Strings

I always thought that we as people stand on solid ground, and the times when we’re having problems we fall into a bottomless pit. I guess it’s cuz of all those quotes out there saying that we stand on solid ground. Recently I was deeply thinking about this theory and I just realized it’s wrong, we aren't standing on anything. We are just hanging on top of a cold dark bottomless pit, we’re hanging by a couple of strings, and the number of strings holding you up is inversely related to the chance of you falling. So the more strings you have to hold you the lower the chance of you falling. 

You may start wondering what are those strings holding you and why are you even hanging or that pit. Well let me explain it to you this way, as we all know life is never easy, even the happy parts of it aren’t that easy either. So how could that possibly mean that we have a solid ground?!?  In life we always have to struggle through some tough moments, we’re always trying to get somewhere, or get someone, or even do something, but there is always something that we’re trying to do. So I guess you can agree that life isn’t an easy comfortable ground to stand on, you can’t just stand there relaxed. Cuz life is not an easy trip we’re taking, it’s a hard test that we’re always trying to pass, and the beauty of it is that it isn’t just one little test that you can rest after, it’s a series of quizzes, tests, pop quizzes that you don’t even see coming and some hard unexpected exams. Now look down underneath you and see that there is no ground, you can’t even find a tiny spot just to put your foot on, to take a minute of rest. Every once In a while you’ll feel like you’re falling deeper in that pit, and you feel that cold chill of the roaring darkness. Some other times you’ll feel like you’re rising above that pit, and somehow you feel a warm embrace of a sincere emotion of an anonymous voice tone. 

Those things that lift you up and let you sink, those are the strings that hold you and keep you from falling. Those strings are people, things, situations, and so much more. Let’s talk more about those strings and why are they strings and who are they, or what they are.

The who are those strings are people that matter in your life, either friends, family or even loved ones, they are the people who believe in you and make you believe in yourself . A string that forms in your life is the hand you hold on to, that person you count on and depend on. That person who believes in you and shows you that the world isn’t that dark place you were stuck in, that person who affects your life in a positive way. That moment you hold their hand and lean on them, that’s when they become your string, that’s when you feel that warm embrace in their voice tone, that’s when you start feeling safe. Actually this is the only string that rarely breaks, cuz the only way to break that string is when both people cut their end of it. So that’s the only string you can actually depend on to keep you from falling.

The what are those strings are the things that give you confidence in yourself, the things you see as the positive part of your life, it could be a job you have, a hobby or talent you express yourself through, even your academic statues. They are just the things that hold you higher, its sometimes your financial statues, you feel confident cuz of the car you ride, the apartment you’re staying in, just knowing that you can have what you would wish to purchase gives you a sort of confidence so it’s definitely a string. So according to this theory anything that gives you a boost to rise is a string that will pull you up.

The worst part about those strings is that sometimes they just break, and as agreed life a'int easy so when one string breaks a couple more get torn too. You feel a sudden shock of falling down that pit with an incredible speed, you just feel the strings slipping through your fingers and you realize that you’re in for the fall. The saddest and toughest part of that is when your “who” strings break, when the string you’ve put a high bet on to save you, slip away and break on you. So you’re just collapsing and falling with nothing to hold on to, so look around for just a tine thin string that could save you, but from the fear of the fall, you’re seeing nothing around you nothing at all. You’re heart starts to beat faster than ever, you’re mind in playing tapes of memories, and you feel like you’re life is just about to end tonight.

Now you’re just falling and all what you hear around is the sound of your breathing and the beating of your heart. You feel a cold chill of loneliness, and the roaring of an aching heart. Time stops and you see a tiny thread attached to your heart, and that’s what keeps you from falling and hitting the ground. It may seem like the weakest string, the most fragile one but somehow it’s the only string that would never break, or let you go. You may be wondering now about that string and what or who string this is, and why is it that strong though it’s that tiny.


Well let me tell you, that string is the string of your heart, your soul, that string of your existences, it’s the “ME” string, it’s that little voice that tells you never to give up, it’s the courage that allows you to go into battles fearlessly, its you’re inner believe in the higher power *GOD*. That’s the only reason why you never feel the crash of falling down and the pain of breaking, you just feel a replaying fear of the fall, the rush of the falling, the coldness of a lonely soul but that’s all. You never experience that actual hit; you just imagine it in the darkest, roughest, scariest image. The only thing that stops that fall every time is your string, it can’t lift you up but it just leaves you hanging. When you start believing in yourself that string gets stronger, and if you have enough patience maybe just maybe, a hand will hold yours and pull you up again. Allow you to see the sunshine again, shows you that your heart can sing, touches you with a warm embrace and gets you the rise to the top again.

Hanaa Al-Gaiwsh 

The Mirror

We all walk with masks covering up who we are, showing those who are around us the person we want them to believe to be the real us. We all hide a part of us that even those who are close to us don’t see, it our truth. It’s the sinner, the weak, evil, pure child, it’s who we are. The person you only see as you look through that mirror hanging on your bedrooms wall.

So how many of you can actually face that reflection looking back at you, could you face it with who you are today, or even face it with your past, could you even face it with the person you’re trying to become, with that path you’re walking through.

Could you face yourself, could you look into your own eyes and be proud of the person looking back at you.

I’m not saying that you should show the people around you that person hiding inside; I’m just asking if you could admit that this person does exist.

That reflection looking back at you is the only one who knows all about you; it’s the you that was with you through every moment of pain. When I say every moment of pain, I don’t just mean the scars you have but the ones you caused too.

You’re the only one who knows who was hurt by you, by the harsh words you said to them, or even when you neglected them. You were there when those scars were made, and even if you had a reason to hurt, that don’t change the fact that they felt that pain because of you.

You too have been hurt haven’t you, though sometimes you hide those scars but you still know they exist. You may act like you’ve never been hurt, and you don’t know the meaning of pain, though you bleed when you’re alone from an aching pain. You hide those scars with that make-up of fake emotions, but once you look through the mirror you see every little scar. They aren’t visible to anyone but you. That sometimes drives you away from your reflection, because you can’t face yourself with the pain that accompanies those scars. It’s as though every time you look at one of those scars a video plays in your mind, with every detail of that incident that left you with that scar.

That’s not the only thing that you hide, sometimes it’s a part of who you are that only your reflection knows, those personal traits that you lock up for some reason. You may be sometimes a sweet and kind person but for a reason, usually because you’re scared that people would take these traits as you being a weak person. So you mask them with a tough mean attitude, but again you know that’s not the true you.

You even sometimes wear the mask of an innocent person who knows nothing about the world, just to stay out of situations you don’t wanna face, so you act like you don’t know anything about it, and pretend not to understand what’s going on around you, just not to be pulled into a situation you don’t wanna be a part of.

You usually mask  a part of who you are just to be able to adapt  with the world you’re living in, either by masking a bad trait in you like being ( high-tempered, jealous, dependent, having a low self-esteem ). Or by masking good traits that the world today doesn’t appreciate and understand like being ( pure, shy, innocent ,  caring, protective of people around you).

So I think we can conclude that your reflection is the only one that truly knows who you are, so why do we keep running away from it, why are we so scared to face ourselves. Is it because we are scared to admit to ourselves that we are that person in the reflection, we’re scared to see our scars, and those undropped stoned tears filling our eyes. Why are we that scared from the only person who won’t judge us, is it because we know that whatever is said or thought by that reflection is a fact, because it’s not an opinion of a by stander, it’s the fact though by you.

So let me ask you this question again. Can you stand in front of your bedroom mirror and face yourself with who you are, with what you’ve done, and with where you’re going??

Will you be able to face the real you, when you look back at you??
Are you still scared to look at yourself and see your hidden scars??
Could you say you are Proud of Who You Are??

Hanaa Al-Gawish

ربنا يخليلى مامى

ربنا يخليلى مامى ^_^

هتقولولى انتى بتقولى مامى ياختى كميلة  , يابنتى ده انتى كبرتى دلوقتى  ومبقاش ينفع تقولى يا مامى زى الصغيرين

هقولكوا ببساطة لا هى مامى وهتفضل مامى لانى مهما كبرت هرجع للطفولة مع مامى . يعنى عايزين تقولولى انكوا مبقتوش بتروحلها لما تبقوا مدايقين . حتى لو محكتلهاش  اللى مزعلكوا , بس بتعدوا فى حضنها وتحسوا بالامان  ولما تعييوا بتقلبوا بابى عايز مامى جانبه عشان هو تعبان

لو انتوا مش كدة يبقى انتوا بتضحكوا على نفسكوا عشان كلنا مهما كبرنا بنفضل صغيرين مع امهاتنا

انا عشان بقعد بالشهور بعيد عن مامى عشان انا بكون فى مصر وهى فى هنا فى الامارات

عارفين يعنى ايه اكون بعيد عن مامى واول لما بنزل من الطيارة بجرى عليها زى البيبى واحضنها وبفضل طول الفترة اللى قاعدة فيها هنا عاملة زى البيبى اللى ماشى ورا مامته عمالة ارغى واحكى كل حاجة بتحصل معايا حتى لو حاجات عبيطة بس بكون عايزة ارغى معاها على قد ما اقدر

ماهو ده الطبيعى اصل هى اكتر حد فى الدنيا دى كلها فاهمنى حتى لو مقولتلهاش هى بتكون عارفة , ده حتى لو حاولت اخبى حاجة هى بتحس بيا دى مامى يعنى ولازم تفهمنى

وياه بقى لما اكون عايزة انزل اجيب هدوم ولا حاجة , بحب اروح معاها هى ومش مع اى حد تانى هتقولوا عليا بيبى ماشى ومالو طالما مع مامى قولوا عليا اللى انتوا عايزنه , انا بحب اروح معاها ونكون انا وهى بس وهى عارفة ده عشان كدة لما بكون عايزة انزل اجيب حاجة بتاخدنى لوحدى عشان اجيب حاجاتى , ما اصل هى اللى عارفة الستايل بتاعى وبعدين حقى ادلع على مامتى

ربنا يخليكى ليا يا مامى , ما انا اصل مش عارفة انا ممكن اقعد من غيرك ازاى اصلى بحبك بجد اكتر حاجة فى الكون يمكن مش بقولهالك كتير ده انا حتى نادرا لما بقولك بحبك بس انا عارفة انك بتحسيها ما انتى عارفة اللى بحسوا من غير مااقولهالك فى كلام 

و صحيح اديني بقولك من دلوقتي انا هفضل بيبي معاكي مهما كبرت . مانا لو مش هدلع عليكي هدلع على مين, ما انت اللي عمرك ما هتسبيني و علطول هتدلعيني

و اهم حاجة بقى اقولهالك " انا بحببببببببببك و ربنا يخليكي ليا . يا احلى و اجمل ام فى الدنيا دى

هناء جاويش